Figuring out life's constants is mindboggling

DAVE BROWN

We only have 300 words in this space (without jumping the column to another page) to say something insightful or pitiful, or something funny or on the money.

Welcome back to this teeny-tiny little ink spot in your favorite newspaper, dear readers, where we try to recover from the opening sentence influenced by the recent Dr. Seuss Day.

My deadline was Monday – which always gets me down – and since that deadline was blown like ISIS from a drone, today’s offering comes from Tuesday, which happened to be Pi Day.

Pi Day is observed on 3/14 because it represents the mathematical constant 3.14 or something that only the no-girls-dating until senior year heterosexual guys in college can explain.

I asked a pointy-head intellectual to explain Pi, and he said something about 22 over 7 is the fraction that is the common approximation of Pi, which is accurate to two decimal places and dates from Archimedes.

Huh?

You think a smarty-pants that got bullied in high school wouldn’t pick on a journalism major-English minor like me. He also said Einstein was born on 3/14.

To show off in front of some girls, I told him everybody knows Einstein invented hair gel and Archimedes invented McDonald’s.

So now, in a flipside of a revenge of the nerds, I’m going to lay down some mind-blowing mathematics about March Madness.

Did you eggheads out there know that in a 64-team NCAA Tournament field, there are 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 possible brackets? That’s 9.2 quintillion possibilities. According to pregame.com, it would take 292 trillion years to fill out all those brackets at the rate of one per second.

So what is more infinite? Pi, the number of NCAA brackets, or my wisdom?

(Dave Brown won the Joe Parham Trophy for first place humor columnist from the Georgia Press Association in 2016. He lives in Putnam County. Email him at dave@msgr.com.)

 

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